Tears In Heaven
by WriterGirl516
Summary: Words are always the best way to express how one feels. Cooper and Charlotte find a letter Mason wrote about what he's feeling right now.


**Author's note:** It's amazing how music can inspire writing. That's what happened here. After listening to Eric Clapton's "Tears In Heaven" I felt compelled to write something. This is based off Mason not speaking to Cooper and Charlotte (from episode 5x19), and my take on how he'd express what he's feeling right now. All disclaimers apply, characters aren't mine. Thanks for reading.

* * *

_Would you know my name_  
_If I saw you in heaven?_  
_Would it be the same_  
_If I saw you in heaven?_  
_~**Tears In Heaven**, Eric Clapton_

* * *

Cooper shoved his phone back into his pocket and sighed. "I'll be right back, bud," he said, rushing out of his office and down the corridor. Stopping at Violet's door, he knocked against the glass. "Hey, I need a favor.

Violet looked up from the patient file she was reading. "Sure."

"Can you keep an eye on Mason for a bit?" he asked. "I got paged and have to run to St. Ambrose. Usually Charlotte and I switch off, but she's got a busy day with meetings there."

"Of course. Go," she nodded. "Just bring him in here and we'll keep each other company."

Cooper smiled. He could always count on her. "Thank you. I owe you dinner or a drink."

"Don't worry about it," Violet dismissed the offer with a wave of the hand. She pushed her chair back and stood. "It's what friends are for. I take it he's still not speaking?"

"Nope," he replied, popping the p. "Like you said, he needs time, so I'm giving him time."

"But a little tough love won't hurt him. He has to communicate his needs. Maybe I could talk to him? Maybe he'll open up to me?"

"Violet -"

"I can see the toll this is taking you and Charlotte. Really Coop, I'm only trying to help."

Cooper ran his fingers through his hair. "Fine. I doubt he'll say anything, but I'll try your approach."

Violet smiled consolingly. "You're still a good dad. You're doing what's best for your son."

"I know," Cooper shrugged. He still wasn't comfortable with doing this, but figured it was worth a try. "Just don't push him, okay?"

"I won't."

"Thanks, Vi. I'll bring him over in a few minutes," Cooper said, heading back to his office where Mason was still busy playing with his Nintendo 3DS. "Hey buddy." Mason looked up at him. "There's an emergency at the hospital, so I have to go. You're going to hang out with Violet in her office while I'm gone. Let's bring your stuff over there."

Mason paused his game and grabbed his book bag. Together, they walked towards Violet's office and he immediately sat down on her couch and resumed playing.

"Be good. Don't give Violet any trouble," he reminded and Mason looked up at him for a second before bringing his attention back to his game.

"Go, we'll be fine," Violet reassured, despite the look of concern from Cooper as he walked toward the elevator. She grabbed some paper, crayons and a pen from the shelf and sat down in the chair adjacent to where Mason was sitting. "Interesting game?" she asked. "Lucas is still into his fire trucks, blocks, and barnyard animals. So I'm not familiar with video games yet."

Mason glanced up from the screen and gave her a half smile, or what Violet thought was a smile.

"Well, if you get bored with your game, I've got some paper, crayons and a couple of pens," Violet said, setting the items down on the table. "I'll leave these here for you to use in case you want something else to do. I remember seeing some of the pictures you made for your dad and they looked pretty good. He even showed me some of the school work you got A's on. He's really proud of you."

Mason continued to concentrate on playing his game, not bothering to meet Violet's gaze.

Leaning forward a bit, Violet folded her hands in front of her with hope that maybe she'd be able to reach out to the boy. "Your dad and Charlotte, they miss hearing about your day at school. And I know you don't feel like talking, which I get. Some people, they just don't want to talk. You probably feel sad and mad at the whole world right now," she went on, despite Mason's refusal to make eye contact with her, but she could tell he was listening.

"Being angry is okay. Being sad is okay, too. But you should remember your dad and Charlotte, they love you and they care about you a lot. And they know you're probably holding a lot of your feelings inside right now. So, like I said, I'll leave these here for you to use, maybe draw a picture or write about what you're feeling. You could write a letter to your mom. Put everything you're thinking and feeling into words," she motioned to the table. "You don't have to share it with me or anyone, but it might help you feel better. Okay?"

Mason finally looked up. He gave her another half smile and a nod, closed his 3DS and reached for the pen and paper. Violet watched him for a moment, as he pooled his thoughts and began writing. Giving him some privacy, she returned to her desk and resumed reading the file from earlier.

The silence continued for the remainder of the afternoon, until Cooper returned to the practice to pick up Mason and head home. Dinner was once again a quiet affair, just the two of them since Charlotte was stuck at the hospital until late evening.

It was almost ten when Charlotte got home and she found Cooper packing Mason's books into his school bag. She placed her keys and purse on the table and joined him on the sofa, a welcome feeling after the busy day she had.

"He asleep?" she asked, keeping her voice low.

"Yeah. He went to bed an hour ago. Still not talking to me, but that's nothing new," he replied, reaching for Mason's math textbook. As he placed it into the schoolbag a folded up piece of paper fell out. Cooper picked it up and opened it, thinking it was a letter from one of Mason's teachers. Instead, what he found was something he didn't expect.

"What's that?" Charlotte moved closer, trying to get a better look at what was in Cooper's hand.

"It's something Mason wrote. I guess he did this while I left him with Violet today."

"What does it say?"

Cooper didn't reply for a few seconds, choking back a breath as he read the words on the page. "It's um… It's a letter he wrote to Erica." He held the letter between them so they both could read it.

_Dear Mommy,_

_I miss you so much. Sometimes, it really hurts and it makes me feel so sad. I told Charlotte I was starting to forget things. The way you pack my lunch and the things we always talk about. Your smile. Your laugh. I don't want to forget them because it makes me scared that I'm going to forget about you. I miss your hugs. I miss the jokes you tell me. I just miss you. I wish you were here Mommy. I know you want us to talk about you all the time, so I won't forget, but I don't want to. I don't want to talk because it makes me sadder. I know dad and Charlotte are trying to help and they want things to be normal, but it's not the same. I don't feel normal. I feel lost. It's not fair. Why did you have to get sick? Why couldn't the doctors fix you like in Seattle? It makes me mad. I don't want to be mad anymore and I don't want to be sad. I want to be me and I want my mommy._

_I know I won't feel sad anymore someday. I just feel sad right now and sometimes I cry a little when I'm in my bed. I don't want to talk about you all the time but I don't want to forget you. _

_Dad and Charlotte are cool but they're not as cool as you mommy. You were the coolest person in the world. I know I should talk to dad and Charlotte but I'm not ready yet. I know they love me a lot because they tell me all the time. I just wish we could all be together again and have lots of fun like we used to. It's not the same without you. I liked it when it was the four of us. _

_I know I should talk to Charlotte because she said her dad died too. I guess she can help me not be sad anymore. She cares about me a lot. She said that you're always around watching me from heaven. Is heaven a nice place? Dad said it's a place where you're happy and you're not sick anymore. I hope you're happy in heaven. I hope the people are nice there._

_I love you mommy. I won't forget you. I promise to always be a good boy._

_Love,_  
_Mason_

Charlotte bit down on her lower lip, while Cooper rubbed away the moisture that had built up in the corners of his eyes. "At least we know how he's feelin' right now," she spoke, turning her gaze towards Mason's room. "He's hurtin', Coop. But he knows he can come to us when he's good and ready."

"Yeah," Cooper sighed. He placed his hand on top of Charlotte's and squeezed it tight. "I'm sorry if what I said hurt you."

"You'd better be, 'cause it damn well did. We're all hurtin' too, you know. Maybe not in the way Mason is, but we're a family. And losin' Erica affected all of us."

"I know," Cooper replied. "If there was only a way I could take all this sadness and anger he's feeling away, I would."

"You and me, both," Charlotte got up, rounded the coffee table and headed to Mason's room. Cooper wasn't far behind and together, they stood at his doorway watching him sleep. "He knows he has us. He'll start talkin' to us again. We just have to keep remindin' him that we're here. I got through to him once. It'll happen again."

"Think you could, maybe talk to him about how you felt when your dad died? I know you're not into sharing, but just this once for Mason?"

Charlotte's gaze remained focus on the sleeping boy. She nodded slightly and replied, "Yeah, I can do that. If it's what will help him, I'll do that."

"Thank you."

They continued to watch over Mason for several minutes, hoping the child was sleeping peacefully and his sadness wasn't affecting his dreams. It was half past 11 when they finally got into bed and by then Charlotte was feeling the full effects of exhaustion from the day. As she laid her head down, Cooper turned over and pressed a kiss to her lips. "I love you. I want you to know that. I love you because of everything you've done for me and for Mason."

Charlotte smiled. "I love you too, Coop," she traced her finger along his cheek. "We'll get through this. All of us, we'll get through this together."

_**~fin**_


End file.
